While parents often miss to hold their children as if they are still a baby, the children want to grow up as quickly as possible. See their face when they can do things older children do. Feel their satisfaction when they can fulfill tasks their parents use to do. Cooking some foods, baking a cake, sawing a board, using a hammer, driving a car. Err, driving a car? Yep.

We have noticed Fab for the last couple of months, how he imitated his father to drive, especially when he sat in the front seat. He held his thumb inside his palms and did the movement as if he drove the car; turned left, turned right. He paid attention carefully when his dad explained to him how to change the speed, to break, to read the signs, and what to do in certain situations on the streets. Though it is forbidden to let children sitting in the front (is it?), we let Fab sits in the front when we just drive to supermarkets. And there came the idea: a car for his birthday. He was speechless when he saw it. Said nothing but whispering, "Thank you, Papa!" (why only the Papa?!?)

It is a used toy car. The new one is so expensive that we cannot afford it (and we are not crazy enough to spend hundreds Euro just for a toy car!). We got this from Ebay. It functions perfectly. It is not the kind of car where the child just push the button and go. With this car, the child learns how to start driving slowly, and then add the speed by changing the versnelling. Several tasks at once; training for his brain and his motoric skills. To drive backward the child has to change the versnelling again. Since the body is big, the child also has to learn to stirr the car back and forth to do turning in a narrow path.

One warm and sunny afternoon in an ice café. A window under the ceiling has captured my attention.

If only I live in a city like Frankfurt, Hamburg, Köln, Stuttgart or so, I won't be so surprised. But in a small town like mine, I really am. And not only once, but twice! This time my students will be a pair of husband and wife who like traveling a lot, and own a travel bureau. I am so excited, of course, thinking that I will be transferring my knowledge of my homeland to them, and get paid. Plus, a possibility to get discounted tickets to Indonesia. He he he.

Whoa. It has been a bit quiet here. Some blogs (used to be) written by my cyber friends have been more and more updated infrequently. FB, out of mood, new daily routines can be some reasons. My Pitas-Page has been frozen as well lately. Since I am not into FB, then the two last reasons were the causes. Out of focus, to be precisely. So I blog less. And what do I do to bring this page back to keep updated? I create another blog. He he he.

The new blog will be related to my old passions: words, languages, and the life around them. If any. I just created it a few minutes ago, so there is no content yet. Vist me there, will you? Thank youuuuuu!

Berhubung halaman ini lama ngga ditulisi, maka sebelum jamuran, mending ditulisi aja hasil copy paste catatan diary offline-nya F.

19 Januari 09

Kemarin sore sepulang dia dari TK, ngajarin Fabian huruf-huruf untuk pertama kalinya. Tadinya sih dia dengan PD bilang, "Ngga perlu, aku kan sudah bisa nulis." Sejak 3-4 bulan terakhir (Tahun 2008) memang dia sudah sering nunjukin kertas yg ada coretan mirip huruf T dan E terbalik. Trus huruf A dan ditambah angka-angka. Lalu aku jelasin, "Iya Fabian udah bisa nulis. Nah, sekarang nulisnya pake huruf beneran. Hurufnya ditambah." Untung dia mau. Relatif cepat juga dia nangkap. Lagian belajarnya serius gitu. Bener-bener ikutan nyebut hurufnya dan waktu aku tanya dia bisa ingat. Aku ngajarinnya pake lagu. Trus giliran nyoba merangkai aku tunjukkan deretan huruf di ambang pintu kamarnya. Trus nulis Papa, dan Mama. Seneng deh liat dia bisa segera mengenali huruf-huruf itu dan tahu namanya.

Berhubung konsentrasinya lagi bagus, aku terusin dengan angka-angka dan hitung penjumlahan sederhana. Hari ini mungkin mau ngulang lagi. Tapi liat dulu, berapa lama Thorsten ada di sini. Heizung di rumah rusak, karpet di depan TV basah.

Tanggal 7 Januari 09

F suka banget ikut papanya kerja. Biasanya kalau dia bisa ikutan pergi, dia sengaja cuma setengah hari di TK. Satu saat dua hari dia ikut nyusul papanya kerja. Pas hari ketiga, hari ini, dia ngga bisa ikut. Sebelum berangkat ke TK, Fabian ekstra bawa Teddy dr kamar, ditaruh di meja console di koridor. Trus bilang, "Hier, Teddy kann mit Papa mitarbeiten. Papa kann Teddy ruhig mitnehmen (Ini, Teddy bisa ikut Papa kerja. Papa boleh bawa Teddy)."

Papanya ngga denger. Sayanya yang kegelian, mbayangin Papanya bawa Teddy ke tempat kerja. Macho sekali ya?

Home-coming note, part Two.

As hard as I put a happy smile on my face,
my eyes could not lie.
As great as I hid the schock inside my heart,
my voice could not lie.

There he was lying on his bed,
watching the fingers and the palm of his left hand,
giving his full attention like a contented man,
who was reading a very interesting book.

He was a man who has lost a lot,
the weight, the strength and the memories.
But he didn't lose our love, our existence, and our care.
I hope he knew that, I wish he felt that.

In his losing world, he found a new one.
We cannot tell you what, but we saw him so.
That was time when he looked at his palm and his finger,
or his eyes looked far beyond the ceiling and the wall.

He might think of his unfinished dreams.
He might remember of his good old days.
He might think of his idealism.
He might remember of his bad old days.

Sometimes we heard him speak, in the language we didn't understand.
Other time we heard him cry, the way we never heard before.
But he could still smile.
That was time when he was leaving his new world and back with us.

It took a second for him,
to leave his strange world and recall his youngest daughter,
who was sitting beside him with his grandson.
The grandson who is carrying his name.
Then he made a sound.
We were not sure what it meant, but it sounded like a sad song.
And it was enough to drop some water from some eyes.

He is still with us. Sometimes.

He and all living veterans just received an honorary for veterans. If only he knew, he would be proud of it.

Home-coming note, part one.

We just had a four-weeks vacation in Indonesia. It was a nice break from our daily routine, the constant ill of cold, and winter boots. It refreshed my mind of how the sun looked like. No kidding. Since the winter last year, we had been seeing the sun very infreuently. Rains, cloudy skies, snow, and gloomy days were the default view from our window panes. Though they had their own beauty, more sunshines would be wonderful as well.

Having an extrem winter before we flew there (the temperature went down until minus several degree of Celcius), I was a bit worried about my son. Especially because he didn't get the preventive injection for the long journey. I know, we have taken the risk, but we had no choice. And though everything finally turned out to be alright, maybe I should consider to not do that again. We supplied Fabian with honey every day, home-made meals, and when we did need to eat out, he didn't eat 'warung-meal' as we did. Things went well, until two days before we flew back.

Our vacation was short, but it was a wonderful short break. A short break from our longing for each other. Touching and not just seeing the faces we used to see from the camera and photos. Feeling and not just imagining the atmosphere of home. Kissing and not just crying the persons we deeply in love.

PS. Thanks for great old friends who were there and still be great friends. Distance really did not change our bound, did it? Really sorry for friends whom I could not meet yet. And thanks for someone who came in the rain just to meet me at the last minute in Gambir. I was touched!

In the absence of my presence, this page will be temporarily absent again. In the absence of my presence...ha! I like the rhyme.

Note: ini tulisan lama, ditulis sekitar bulan November tahun lalu. Sebenarnya untuk sebuah forum intern, tapi batal terkirim dan akhirnya cuma nongkrong 'berdebu' di folder.

"Au revoir!"
"Adieu!"

Kelas bahasa Perancis bubar. Kelas bahasa ini gratis. Diselenggarakan oleh Deutsche Frauenring dengan peserta yang jumlahnya kurang dari sepuluh orang. Sebagian besar pensiunan, atau orang-orang yang tak terikat jam kerja seperti saya. Alias pengangguran. :D

Angin dingin segera menerpa wajah saat kami keluar gedung. Menyusuri jalanan licin dan serakan salju di sana-sini, saya berjalan tertatih-tatih. Bukan pemandangan yang indah bukan, kalau badan tambun seperti punya saya ini terpeleset berguling-guling ke bawah. Lucu mungkin iya, tapi tidak indah. Tangan dan jemari berbalut sarung tangan coklat sudah terasa hampir beku. Hanya satu di kepala: segera tiba di rumah dan minum kopi hangat. Ah, sejak dua tahun terakhir saya jadi agak sering minum kopi. Minimal seminggu sekali, maksimal empat kali. Padahal sebelumnya tidak pernah.

Akhirnya sampai rumah. Lega. Pemanas di rumah sedang bermasalah. Dua minggu lalu pemanas ini kami matikan ketika kami tak di rumah selama tiga hari. Ketika nyala kembali, pemanas ini tak mampu menghangatkan suhu seperti biasanya. Entah kenapa. Tak apalah. Toh, ruangan di dalam masih lebih hangat daripada di luar.

Sambil menghangatkan sisa masakan dan menjerang air, saya berniat meneruskan pekerjaan kemarin. Membuat logo. Membuat banner. Memperbarui website. Membuat beberapa tulisan. Memperbarui profil. Berpikir. Makan siang dan membuat kopi. Mencari surat-surat. Mencari-cari majalah. Mengecek email. Membereskan dapur. Membereskan kertas-kertas berserakan. Memilih foto-foto. Mengerjakan foto sesuai kebutuhan. Ayo, cepat! Sebelum pukul 15:15. Sebelum ada si Nervensäge (tukang usil).

Saya memang kerap berkejaran dengan waktu. Rasanya kepala penuh dengan hal-hal yang harus diselesaikan, terutama hal-hal yang harus dikerjakan tanpa interupsi. Karena begitu ada Nervensäge (my boy), saya harus selalu siap diinterupsi. Ia bicara seperti senapan mesin. Tet, tet, tet, tet, tet tanpa henti. Tak apa. Lebih baik begitu daripada dia tak bisa bicara. Saat sendirian, saya sangat menikmati kesendirian. Banyak hal bisa dikerjakan. Seperti juga saat tidak sendirian. Saya juga menikmatinya. Karena banyak hal bisa dan tidak bisa dikerjakan. :D

Seorang teman di sini pernah mengeluh, ia linglung ketika dirumahkan dari pekerjaannya, sementara anaknya sudah masuk TK. Tak banyak yang bisa ia kerjakan di rumah selain bersih-bersih, yang tentu saja cukup membosankan kalau dikerjakan setiap hari dari pagi sampai sore. Lagipula rumahnya relatif baru. Masih belum banyak yang rusak (:D), masih mengkilap semua, belum ada sarang laba-laba seperti di rumah you-know-who (:D). Ia hanya perlu memikirkan makan siangnya sendiri. Singkatnya: ia bosan.

"Bosan sekali ya kalau kita begini-begini saja."

Sebentar, kita? Saya juga bosan kadang-kadang, tapi biasanya sebentar. Biasanya kebosanan itu muncul kalau ada mimpi besar yang sangat saya inginkan tak kunjung terwujud. Kebosanan yang bersifat akut-berulang, bukan kronis. Biasanya ada saja kegiatan baru yang mengasyikkan untuk ditekuni.

"Kamu ngapain aja di rumah? Bersih-bersih rumah aja ya?"

Hei, terima kasih sudah berprasangka baik. Barangkali kalau kau tengok rumahku kau akan menarik kata-katamu.

"Banyak." Saya jawab beberapa. Ia tak menanyakan detilnya, entah paham atau tidak. Ia lalu meminta saran supaya tidak bosan.

"Gimana kalau belajar bahasa Jerman? Otodidak."
"Sulit. Ngucapinnya aja aku ngga bisa."
"Tapi minimal tahu grammarnyalah."
"Sulit."
"Atau belajar hal baru lainnya. Berkebun misalnya."
"Oh iya, mertuaku punya kebun besar. Mereka suka berkebun."
"Nah."
"Tapi aku sering kedinginan kalau terlalu lama di luar. Lagian kalau cuacanya begini kann ngga bisa berkebun."
"Iya sih. Kalau gitu bikin kerajinan tangan deh."
"Kerajinan tangan apa?"
"Ya terserah. Meronce perhiasan pakai manik-manik mungkin."
"Ndak punya bahannya."
"Bisa cari di toko. Atau menjahit."
"Ngga punya mesin jahit."
"Menyulam."
"Wah kayak nenek-nenek."
"Atau kerajinan apa saja deh. Kalau butuh cari ide, ayo aku antar ke perpustakaan atau ke toko kerajinan tangan."

Kami sudah pernah merencanakan pergi bersama-sama ke perpustakaan dan toko kerajinan tangan, tapi batal karena cuaca tak mendukung. Di sisi lain memang dia sebenarnya kurang leluasa keluar sendirian tanpa diantar keluarga suami. Keluar sendirian tidak boleh (tidak boleh karena mereka kuatir ada apa-apa), sementara kalau diantar terus jadi kurang enak juga.

"Udaranya dingin sekali. Males keluar."
"Menggambar."
"Ngga bisa nggambar."
"Ya sudah, nyanyi-nyanyi aja di rumah."
"Ha ha ha kayak orang gila nyanyi-nyanyi sendiri di rumah."
"Memangnya kenapa? Ngga ada yang denger juga. Aku sering nyanyi-nyanyi sendiri di rumah."
"Teriak-teriak gitu?"
"Iya. Pake gitar. Sambil berkhayal ada banyak penonton yang terkesima di depanku."
"Gitarnya sapa?"
"Gitarku." Doh, dibahas.
"Oooh."
"Kamu suka baca buku, ngga? Aku punya nih beberapa buku."
"Buku apa?"
"Novel, atau non fiksi. Terserah."
"Aku ngantuk kalau baca buku tebal-tebal."
Entah kenapa mendengar jawaban itu saya jadi ikut putus asa.
"Masa kamu ngga punya hobi sama sekali sih?"
"Memasak."
"Nah! Kenapa ngga masak aja? Nyoba resep-resep baru atau improvisasi resep-resep tradisional."
"Kalau masak terus kan bokek."
"Ya ngga usah yang mahal-mahal."
"Iya, tapi lama-lama kan bokek."
"Yah, jadi gimana dong? Semua usul ngga ada yang cocok. Kamu butuh banyak alasan untuk bersenang-senang. Akhirnya jadi ngga tahu musti ngapain kalau sendirian, karena kamu hanya mengaitkan dirimu dengan anak. Kalau punya hobi atau kegiatan sendiri, kamu masih punya 'private area'. Areamu sebagai pribadi tersendiri, tanpa terkait dengan anak. Kamu akhirnya juga bisa 'mewariskan' sebagian dari diri dan pribadimu ke anak. Menularkan keterampilan dan pengalaman baru pada mereka. Lebih penting lagi: kamu tak akan jadi linglung ketika mereka sudah sibuk dengan dunianya sendiri."

Ini teori spontan tentu saja. Belum terbukti secara empiris, tapi secara nalar bisa terbayangkan. Should we need thousands of reason to have fun? Tentu, bukan berarti kita harus memikirkan kesenangan belaka sampai berlebihan.

Teman saya akhirnya memilih menjadikan anaknya 'Mittagskind' – istilah yang berarti si anak tinggal di TK sampai setelah makan siang, tidak seharian seperti umumnya anak-anak TK. Tak ada yang salah dalam hal ini. Hanya saja, apakah ia masih bisa menikmati waktu ketika anaknya sudah sibuk dengan dunianya nanti? Ah, masih jauh. Ini juga masih TK he he he.

Jadi, bagaimana anda menikmati kesendirian anda?

So here we are. Welcoming a new year in frozen days. We can choose to be either optimistic or pesimistic, but making good plans and making them real are more important to think about.

There are wars here and there, unjustice here and there. Economical crisis haunts us over the world, small countries, middle countries, big countries. Uncertain future, so people say. But hey, sometimes we just have to deal with life itself, and not filling our mind with imaginations.

Since the last couple of years, I have been welcoming the new year by reading and listening news and articles on government regulation changes, especially when the changes have impacts on me and my family.

So these are some changes in 2009 (taken from Guter Rat magazine. What I quote here are only the changes I am interested to note down):